Let’s face it, when you’re walking down the aisles of the grocery store in jeans and a finger-paint smeared t-shirt with a Barbie Princess sticker on it from your daughter, pockets overflowing with various tissues, wrappers and string from your son, and two children arguing over who should sit in the back of the cart, sexy is the last thing from you or anyone else’s mind. But there is a time and a place for everything.

There are times when you are wearing those jeans that make your ass look perfectly awesome, and your hair is having an extraordinary day, topped with zit-free skin and a bounce in your walk. On days like that, the kids could eat an entire bag of chocolate chips and write their names on every wall in the house. It would just flow right off, because you look good, you feel good and you know you have a hot date that night.

Both of these women are me, just at different times and different places in my day, month, week…you get the picture. And to me, in so many ways sex is the same way. I am me, sometimes frumpy sometimes hot. Sex is sex, but we all know there is sex and there is OMFG SEX. Which one presents itself during any given occasion is dependent on a number of inexplicable and seemingly unrelated factors outside our control. OK, maybe they are not inexplicable all of the time, and certainly some of them may be related, but my point is you never know what will happen.

You can plan a special don’t get out of bed all weekend, bought new toys and lingerie, order-in food and drinks kinda get-away—and one of you gets the flu. Or, you could be cooking fried chicken in sweats and a tee, greasy faced and ponytail in the hair; then he comes in for a little kiss and you end up naked on the kitchen table. You just never can tell.

Does that mean we should stop planning romantic get-always or late night ‘the kids are in bed’ private soirees? No, it just means, if things aren’t mind-blowingly awesome, that’s ok. It’s just not the right time and place for mind-blowing. The important thing is that we keep trying, and stay connected. Cuz, really, even non-mind-blowing…not bad at all.

Make sure to stop back Saturday (or subscribe to my feed) for 10 tips to help keep that connection, ensuring the factors that influence spontaneous mind-blowing stay ever present.