About a month ago, the kids and I were driving home from work/school like we do every day. Somehow the topic of death came up—I’m not sure why, no one we know, human or pet, had died recently, but we managed to happen upon the topic.

My son is ten and my daughter is five. With my son, well he has a good grasp of what death means at ten, but a person is never quite sure how much of things like death a five year old comprehends. I believe in age appropriate honesty, though, which means I don’t lie to my kids. Both she and her brother have had death explained from various perspectives, religious or otherwise, and are acquainted with the varied theories on the after-life or lack thereof. They asked at some point, so I shared (maybe to an extent beyond what they cared to hear, but that’s another story).

Despite previous discussions on the topic however, for some reason, on this drive home my daughter started worrying about her own mortality.

“But Mom, I don’t want to die,” she said sadly.

Her brother and I started naming lists of reasons why she wouldn’t be dying anytime soon and that there was nothing to worry about.

To which she responded, “Stop talking about it and don’t lie! Everybody dies!”

Again, her brother and I began to reassure her and she abruptly interrupted, “STOP TALKING ABOUT IT.”

So we did.

For my daughter, death is a topic we avoid. But really, don’t we all have those ‘things’ we refuse to face? Secrets, fears, denials, we all have at least one. And we all know why. I mean the actual reason is different for each of us, but the reason we hide is the same—because we really don’t know what will happen if we don’t. We don’t know how we’ll react if we face that fear head-on, or tell that secret or admit what we’re denying.

Some day, when my daughter is older, she’ll more than likely get more comfortable with the topic of death. She’ll be able to talk about it and separate it from herself. I only hope that we call get there…

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