As I was reading How ‘Better Sex’ can lead to a better life, there was a particular sentence that stood out to me:

“…Women who wouldn’t dream of neglecting these aspects of their physical and emotional health will nonetheless see a fulfilling sex life as dispensable.”

It stood out because I think is true for many women, particularly mothers. We get so busy with day-to-day life, taking care of the kids, going to work, making sure everyone is fed, the laundry is done…we have to de-prioritize something, and many times it’s sex. I wonder why?

Is it because the only other person that knows anything about your sex life is your partner? I mean there are things that need to get done; groceries need to be purchased, kids need to be told to do homework and take baths, work needs to get done, the house needs to be cleaned and on and on and on and on. And you know your lover is understanding (and is gonna bug you for sex anyway), so why prioritize that…he’s not gonna think less of you, right?

Probably not, at least at first. But eventually you’ll both work yourselves into a routine, both too busy and tired to even care about sex. And that is just the problem. Avoiding the emotional and physical interaction of sex and the connection building benefits are just a couple of the negative aspects that sex de-prioritization causes. As a women, being comfortable with your sexuality is self-esteem building. If you continually de-prioritizing it, you lose not only the connection with yourself, but also with your partner.

Although I haven’t yet read her book, The Ripple Effect: How Better Sex Can Lead to a Better Life, (it’ll be in my next order from Amazon ), in it, Dr. Gail Saltz examines ‘The Ripple Effect’ of sexual de-prioritzation and the effect it has on women’s lives. She champions examining sexuality from the inside out, by evaluating how you feel about sex, mentally and emotionally, instead of as just a purely physical act.

I believe that we as women owe ourselves the freedom to have the sex life we need. We owe it to ourselves to address the issues prohibiting us from fulfilling sex and the confidence it can bring.

Once I’ve read the book, I’ll share a more complete perspective. For now, I’m working from the article on MSNBC.com, but on a high level, I think she’s on to something.