I will say this on this day after my birthday and a few days after Thanksgiving–I am a lucky woman. Despite my ever burning desire to accomplish, learn and experience more, I have everything I need and more. I have a wonderful family, including my two beautiful kids; I have a man who I love (and who loves me) and he makes me happy; I have a job that pays the bills and prospects that are leading me closer to my financial independence each day.

Sooooo, if anyone is listening (and really, even if they’re not) I’m back for now ;D

I just moved. When you move, boxes are involved. I still have boxes, empty boxes mind you, but boxes still, sitting through out my new apartment. I’m really looking forward to Friday, which is the day I’ve designated to remove these boxes to the recycling.

For now, the kiddies and are are enjoying our new digs, which include an outdoor swimming pool Since Friday is their last day of school, we will be celebrating with an after school pool party. This weekend we’ll be painting my son’s ‘new’ dresser–it’s from a garage sale, but it was a good rice and it’s decoratable. Plus, we have a few more things to put away, as well as some pictures and stuff to hang on the walls. For the most part, though, we are all settled in and loving it.

My daughter’s birthday festivities began on the 14th with her kindergarten spring concert. Although not officially her birthday, she was definitely the focus. Her brother was on video camera duty, following her around like the paparazzi and her Dad and I were both on hand to make sure she knew how amazing she (and her concert) was. Then, because she was at her Dads on her actual birthday, Friday, I made sure to call her bright and early to tell her ‘happy day’ and to remind her of her after-school salon retreat. She had requested a manicure/pedicure and head massage/hair style for her birthday…I didn’t even know what a salon was ’til my late teens, but I just had to make sure she got what she wanted. After school, we headed over to get her princess spa time started–she loved it. The perma-smile on her face the entire time we were there let me know she was in heaven. Plus, afterward her dad took her out to eat and she got to show off her fancy hair, make-up and nails. But that wasn’t even the end of it, her party was the next day.

She’d hoped for an outdoor water party, but Minnesota in May is not always cooperative–despite the 70+ degree weather the previous week, her birthday began with temps in the 40s. We made due with indoor games, music and a pinata. She had tons of fun, but after spending an afternoon with five 6-year-olds, my ex-husband and former in-laws, I was ready for a drink and some relaxation. Luckily I arrived home to my man, who had spent the afternoon at my place working on his bike in quiet peace. He took me out to dinner and made sure I had a fun, relaxing evening

On Sunday I decided I had better start packing for our move on May 29 and clean-up for the kids return home for the week. I was successful at getting six boxes packed, the laundry done and the apartment picked up so it was in a reasonable state. Once I got the kids home though, it was snuggle-o-rama with them–I miss ‘em after their week at their dads (even when I just saw ‘em the night before).

And then it was Monday. Monday’s and Thursday’s are baseball nights for my son. This means that right after I pick the kids up at 5pm, we eat a ‘picnic supper’ and get ready for the baseball game. It also means we will not arrive home until 8:30 p.m. at the earliest, which makes for a long day and tired kids. It is only through the end of June, though, and my son loves baseball, so it’s all good

Now, after that long winded play-by-play of my week, I have to admit that if it wasn’t for my palm centro pda/phone, I wouldn’t know where I was supposed to be, when. I’m reassured by the vibrating reminders 1 hour to 15 minutes before I’m supposed to be somewhere, and whenever I need a phone number or directions, the handy little web browser is right there! Or, if I’m running late, or just plan lost, I can call who ever I need to, as well as tweet my predicaments or observations whenever I choose. Thankful, I am, for my technology.

AND, thankful I am for all the people in my life that not only keep me busy, but keep me smilin’ ;D

I guess the thighs can be a fairly standard focus area for women, especially for those of us with pear-shapes. I’m fine with my big ass, it fills out my jeans nicely and I know how to use it. My thighs, however, are another story. I mean, I suppose they are proportional to my butt, but I just feel there could be a little less of them in my life and I’d look a lot better. Now it is true that I could work out more (or at all really, I’ve been a slacker lately), and that would tone ‘em up. I could also restrict my diet to lose weight. Or, I could save up for liposuction, although that’s really not my style. Basically, until I either get off my ass and work out and stop eating crap, my choice is to accept my thighs for what they are.

I have taken action to correct my ‘prominent’ teeth, though. As I type this, I have rubberband spacer thingy’s in between my molars and on Thursday, May 7, I start my 21 month adventure into the world of braces. I’m getting the good ‘ole fashioned metal kind and I can’t wait.

My whole life I’ve felt like Mr. Ed with my two front teeth sticking out and my bottom teeth all mushed together. I always feel weird when I’m smiling, but soon that weirdness will be replaced with a whole new feeling–probably pain, but I’m willing to suffer for my beauty. Plus, maybe the pain from the braces will prohibit me from eating as much, hence causing weight loss and per chance, smaller thighs? (Yes, I’m reaching here, but it could happen).

Overall, my point is this: Everyone has some sort of body image issue. If they didn’t, there wouldn’t be so many people writing about the topic. And, that means I am not alone–we, the big-thighed, big-toothed women are not alone.

We started out with thoughts of food and cocktails in an outdoor setting on our mind. We had an idea of where we would go, but were flexible, just in case things were crowded. After walking for a while, stopping for martini’s and sandwiches, then walking some more and stopping for a couple more drinks, we decided it was time to head home. Now, everything up to this point was fun and an adventure of sorts, but the walk home is where our true adventure occurred.

The beginning of the walk home was pretty standard for us, chatting, making up stories and laughing. We usually end up creating intricate scenarios about the people we see, and at some point aliens always happen into the conversation (yes, I am obsessed with aliens). Once we arrived at an under-construction, yet possible short-cut home, however, the conversation changed to contemplation of our potential endeavor.

What we had come upon was a bridge. And, as I mentioned previously, it was under-construction. In the dark, we couldn’t see well enough to tell from one end to the other if we’d be able to make it all the way across. We could see a large piece of construction equipment sitting in the middle of it though, so that was proof enough for me that it could indeed hold our weight, so we started making our way-until we came to this concrete wall. My man was hesitant and ready to go back and take the long way, but I spotted a ladder-like apparatus in the far corner of the wall–yes, we did decided to climb up.

The first thing we noticed at the top was the instant brightness of a motion sensing light from one of the houses just off of the construction. It kinda’ made us feel like rebels, which we obviously are It also brought me memories of my youth in rural Minnesota, venturing into old abandoned farm houses & barns, exploring under bridges and just daring to enter those places that didn’t belong to me, places I shouldn’t have been, but that were openly accessible.

Although I am a rule follower, I am also one who, if the rule does not seem logical, will ignore it to fit my needs. Even though I knew many of these places were off limits, I wasn’t hurting anyone, so why not? This evening brought me back to that place, a place where my actions were my own. I know it sounds silly, but as a mom, every time I do anything I have to run it through my mental checklist: will this work for the kids, will it affect their schedules, will I be able to feed them if I do that, will they end up in therapy of I do this, etc. But on that bridge, I felt carefree. It was just me and my love, sneaking through where we shouldn’t be, because we wanted to check it out, and really, we weren’t hurting anyone.

Eventually, after squeezing through some metal rods onto a walk way that was obviously used by the workers, we made it to the other side. We were proud of ourselves for not only our cleverness in trying, but also for not hurting ourselves.

I don’t think we’ll be looking for more adventures like this one, but, if the opportunity presents itself…maybe next time, we’ll take my kids with

P.S. Regarding the picture, we also walked pass the Parking Lot Park, a must see if you’re ever in NE Minneapolis

Of course, if you have kids, you know the answer to this question is yes. But what can you do about it?

We’ve all had days when we are ‘in the mood,’ making special effort to ensure our lover is well aware of the fact through whatever enticing means we know are sure fire. And then, as the kids bedtime approaches, we start to get anxious. We try in rush through bedtime stories and tooth brushing, and tuck the kids in with a hasty kiss and encourage them to go to sleep fast. And then 2 minutes after we leave, we hear a faint voice calling from the bedroom…

‘Mom…?’

‘Yes, sweetie,’ we reply, trying not to sound frustrated.

‘Can I have a drink of water?’

‘Yep, I’ll be right there.’

We bring the water in, and as our little bundle of joy takes a sip, we tell them to ‘get to sleep, no more calling me, okay.’

And then, right as we snuggle next to our man to wait ’til we know they’re asleep for sure…

‘Dad…?’

‘What now, sweetie,’ Dad replies as we grumble with frustration.

‘Can you just turn the hall light on, that’s all.’

‘O’kay, now please, go to sleep.’

Again, we cuddle up next to our love, both of us patiently waiting for that sound of heavy breathing and lack of movement that are positive indicators of sleeping children.

And then….

You know. I know you know. It happens to all of us. Although there are no sure fire answers for this situation, I have three strategies for dealing with the kiddies when they are not what is on your mind. These are not ‘tips from experts’, but simply things that I, as a mom, have discovered through experience, and I want to share for the greater good I hope they work for you.

1. Don’t Rush ‘em to bed
I think we all know this is a bad idea, and sometimes, we do it without even trying. And, even when consciously make an effort not to rush, they sense something’s up. This is why prolonging the bedtime rituals is a good thing…it throws the kids off. Read an extra story, give them five more minutes before lights out, lay with them for 15 minutes instead of the usual 10, any little extra will work. Even though they may still have a sixth sense that something is up, they’ll enjoy the extra attention and be more likely to fall asleep peacefully (and quickly).

2. Focus all your attention on them
This should go without saying, but you don’t want to over do it. It’s a delicate balance, however we all know our kids well enough that we should be able to pull it off.

For me, if I snuggle in bed and read a bunch of stories with my 6 year old daughter, then lay with her for 15 minutes, we’re good to go. Then, go chat with my 10 year old son and play a game of Qwitch and he’s off to his room to read for 1/2 hour. This is where it can get tricky though, because my son does not like to stop reading. However, if I stay on top of it, and go and chat with him right when his time is up for about 5 minutes, he’ll go off to sleep right away. Then, my evening is free, but there’s one more thing, because you don’t want them awake, and that takes us to step number 3.

3. Assume they are awake, ‘til you know they’re not, then wait 10 more minutes.
My kids both are heavy breathing sleepers, so it’s pretty easy to know when they’re asleep. But, even when I’m sure, I wait 10 more minutes, sometimes I even make a fake trip into their bedrooms to pretend put something away, just to see if they move or react. If there is movement of any kind, I wait 5 to 10 more minutes.

You’ll have to judge based on your own experience, but once you are assured they’re all asleep, let the festivities begin.

Now for me, as a single mom who’s boyfriend does not stay over when the kids are there, this ritual is one that usual happens on holidays that require hiding or distributing things, or if I need to get some uninterrupted work done. I can assure you, however, I have never been caught and as long as I follow these steps, I’m assured an evening of peace for whatever purpose you have.

Now, for those of you who will be partaking in naughty fun once the kiddies are asleep, two things: Make sure you lock the door (just in case); and have fun!

One of the women in the group got me thinking, however, when she stated that ‘experimentation’ sounded scary to her, something she wouldn’t want to do. Perhaps it’s just because she really isn’t a part of the market I aim to serve or maybe the word ‘experimentation’ conjures up images of test tubes with Dr’s in white coats and restraints (which honestly, might be an interesting little role play, put I digress). Needless to say, the word ‘experimentation’ or any derivative thereof is not in my final draft–I’ve decided that ‘Explore’ would serve as a sole replacement rather than a partner in the statement. Here it is:

Because Bella Out Loud knows that Moms have sex too, we are dedicated to helping them keep their relationship spicy by providing information, resources and tools that support them as they explore and have fun with sex while strengthening the bond with their partner.

That pretty well sums up my mission for this site. I hope you all can clearly see why BellaOutLoud is here. I’m not here to scare anyone, but I’m am fairly liberal in my tips and advice. I’m here to help you spice it up and strengthen bonds with your lover, knowing full well that you have kids, a home and most likely a job to take care of too.

Anyway, I’ve gone on long enough about my mission to help moms have hot sex lives. BUT, I’m working on my focused goals for the year to support this mission, so keep your eyes open.

If you have any thoughts or questions, please post ‘em in a comment.

And, I encourage everyone to answer a few questions to help me make sure I’m giving you what you want.

Thanks!

See, I have this habit of staying up too late–only ’til midnight-ish–but when I should be getting up at 5:30 a.m. to get the kids to the school bus and myself to work on time, midnight-ish is too late. I’ve had good reasons this week though: Taxes and a budget.

I had been putting off doing my taxes because I was convinced I was going to have to pay in. This assumption was based on an estimation I had made, without my W2’s, and it had me in avoidance mode. However, with the impending arrival of next week and that magic date of April 15, denial time had to come to an end.

I sat down with all my important tax stuff and prepared to face reality. You know how when you use tax software, every addition updates that number, it get’s bigger, or smaller, or it’s in your favor or not…well mine was sucking–until I decided I should update my income information with data from my actual W2’s. This, my friends, made me very, very happy. That number dramatically shifted in my favor when I discovered what I’ll call an ‘estimation error’ of about $10,000. I’m not getting a lot back, but I am certainly NOT paying in.

My lesson from this? Don’t do your taxes ’til you have your W2’s–guessing is just not a good idea.

Once I realized I wouldn’t be scrounging to figure out how to pay the government, I decided it was time I updated my budget and made it realistic. I’m one of those people that always has a budget, but it falls more toward the fiction end of things. I mean I do look at it, and about every 3 months I’m geared up to buckle down and follow it–and then someone breaks an arm and I’ve got $1,600 of UN-budgeted expenses. This is when breakdown occurs.

Unbudgeted or not, I know life happens I’ve decided I just need to deal with it. I’m rereading my Suze Orman and just discovered Dave Ramsey and will be trying to at least focus on debt paydown and saving…that tax refund should help a bit.

Now that I have these two items under my belt, my time is back to focusing on my work. But I’ll still have to admit I’d love it if there was some Borg-like regeneration device that I could just ‘recharge’ myself in for a couple of hours (this is a Star Trek reference for all of you non-sci fi geeks out there ). I love sleep, but I’ve got only so much time…

Since money is one of those things that can cause ‘issues’ in relationships, now is the time we need to face this stress straight on. Families, traditional or otherwise, are essential in this face-on battle. Continuing to BUILD the strong relationship with your partner is more important now than ever. Lay-offs, no raises, the fear of potentially losing your job…all of these stressors are real, but it’s so much nicer to face them with a true partner.

So, I’m gonna sound like a hippie here, but seriously….make love, not war…don’t let the stress come between you and your love. Work together to get through. Make time to keep the connection strong. Invest in your relationship, even if it’s just asking Grandparents to take the kids for a couple of hours so you and your significant other can have some uninterrupted time to snuggle on the couch chatting or watching a movie.

Take the time together…in the end, the dividends from an investment in your relationship will far outweigh even the best stock portfolio.

My son is ten and my daughter is five. With my son, well he has a good grasp of what death means at ten, but a person is never quite sure how much of things like death a five year old comprehends. I believe in age appropriate honesty, though, which means I don’t lie to my kids. Both she and her brother have had death explained from various perspectives, religious or otherwise, and are acquainted with the varied theories on the after-life or lack thereof. They asked at some point, so I shared (maybe to an extent beyond what they cared to hear, but that’s another story).

Despite previous discussions on the topic however, for some reason, on this drive home my daughter started worrying about her own mortality.

“But Mom, I don’t want to die,” she said sadly.

Her brother and I started naming lists of reasons why she wouldn’t be dying anytime soon and that there was nothing to worry about.

To which she responded, “Stop talking about it and don’t lie! Everybody dies!”

Again, her brother and I began to reassure her and she abruptly interrupted, “STOP TALKING ABOUT IT.”

So we did.

For my daughter, death is a topic we avoid. But really, don’t we all have those ‘things’ we refuse to face? Secrets, fears, denials, we all have at least one. And we all know why. I mean the actual reason is different for each of us, but the reason we hide is the same—because we really don’t know what will happen if we don’t. We don’t know how we’ll react if we face that fear head-on, or tell that secret or admit what we’re denying.

Some day, when my daughter is older, she’ll more than likely get more comfortable with the topic of death. She’ll be able to talk about it and separate it from herself. I only hope that we call get there…

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