The good news is, sex is free, and it’s fun! Plus, although new lingerie, toys and props are nice additions, there are plenty of things around the house that you can use to liven up any evening. Following are a few ideas I’ve put together and categorized by ‘type.’ I know there are plenty more, the important thing is to be creative to keep that budget in-line while still keeping things in the bedroom hot

Romance/Mood Setting Items:

Candles – Most everyone has at least one candle around the house, but most likely more. Just gather ‘em all together and create your own candle-lit love den.
Lotion – I own like 5+ different kinds of scented lotions, and I think most women do. Rubbing each other down is a great way to get in some touch time.
Baby Oil – If you have kids, you inevitably have a bottle of this laying around. It makes a nice massage oil.
Flowers – For those of you with a garden in bloom, bundle up some flowers in a vase and add them to the aforementioned, candle-lite love den.
Bubble Bath – If you happen to be lucky enough to have a bathtub that holds two comfortably, fill ‘er up and soak together. Otherwise pamper your lover with a nice hot bath followed-by a relaxing massage.

Sexy Stuff:

Lingerie – whatever you already have is still just as hat as when you first got it, so make sure to use those sexy pieces in your collection.
His Clothes – Does he have a neck-tie, or a button down shirt? Or maybe jacket? If you wear something of his with nothing underneath…well you get the idea.
Apron – Of course this has a hint of the whole french maid thing, but if you have an apron, why not put it to use for more than cooking?
Heels – If you’ve got some sexy heels, remember they’re good for bedroom use as well. Pair them with lingerie, or his neck-time, or that apron…or nothing

Sexy Food:

Whip Cream – Yeah, yeah, I know, but it is sexy, and it’s nice to pair as a dip of you’re going to use it to feed to your lover (see, you though I was going to suggest eating it off them…well you could do that too).
Chocolate – Chocolate, to me, is heavenly and those who feed it to me deserve special attention, perhaps your mate feels the same way?
Fruit – chocolate covered strawberries come to mind, perhaps with whip cream. Or grapes. Feeding each other sexy food (and sipping on wine) is a nice way to begin romantic alone time.
Ice – Ice is best for use during the summer (for those of us in cooler climates). Running a cool cube across your lover body is a sexy way to cool them down.

For those who like Restraints:

Neck ties – After making your entrance in nothing but his neck tie, put it to use. A tie works well to tie arms together or to bedposts.
Scarves – Scarves look pretty and, just like a neck tie, work wonderfully to tie things together. They also serve well as blindfolds.
Belts – A great multitasker (see ‘For those who like Spanking’).
Dish Towels – I’d pair one of those white linen, embroidered dish towels with an apron for a complete cooking theme–they work as blindfolds or as ties. You could even incorporate food–a blindfolded taste test, or maybe tie your lovers arms behind their back and feed them chocolate covered strawberries.

For those who like Spanking:

Belts – Leather belts are always great for supplying that spine-tingling sting that some of us love.
Wooden Spoon – Another possible addition to that kitchen theme
Brush – A perfect paddle-like tool that provides lots of control for the spanker, and lots of sparks for the spankee.

Remember, sex is one important element that helps couples keep the connection, allowing their relationship to grow together. Despite the economy, we have to find ways to get that alone time we need, even on a budget.

I encourage all of you to get creative and have some fun exploring romantic, sexy ideas that cost little to nothing.

Of course, if you have kids, you know the answer to this question is yes. But what can you do about it?

We’ve all had days when we are ‘in the mood,’ making special effort to ensure our lover is well aware of the fact through whatever enticing means we know are sure fire. And then, as the kids bedtime approaches, we start to get anxious. We try in rush through bedtime stories and tooth brushing, and tuck the kids in with a hasty kiss and encourage them to go to sleep fast. And then 2 minutes after we leave, we hear a faint voice calling from the bedroom…

‘Mom…?’

‘Yes, sweetie,’ we reply, trying not to sound frustrated.

‘Can I have a drink of water?’

‘Yep, I’ll be right there.’

We bring the water in, and as our little bundle of joy takes a sip, we tell them to ‘get to sleep, no more calling me, okay.’

And then, right as we snuggle next to our man to wait ’til we know they’re asleep for sure…

‘Dad…?’

‘What now, sweetie,’ Dad replies as we grumble with frustration.

‘Can you just turn the hall light on, that’s all.’

‘O’kay, now please, go to sleep.’

Again, we cuddle up next to our love, both of us patiently waiting for that sound of heavy breathing and lack of movement that are positive indicators of sleeping children.

And then….

You know. I know you know. It happens to all of us. Although there are no sure fire answers for this situation, I have three strategies for dealing with the kiddies when they are not what is on your mind. These are not ‘tips from experts’, but simply things that I, as a mom, have discovered through experience, and I want to share for the greater good I hope they work for you.

1. Don’t Rush ‘em to bed
I think we all know this is a bad idea, and sometimes, we do it without even trying. And, even when consciously make an effort not to rush, they sense something’s up. This is why prolonging the bedtime rituals is a good thing…it throws the kids off. Read an extra story, give them five more minutes before lights out, lay with them for 15 minutes instead of the usual 10, any little extra will work. Even though they may still have a sixth sense that something is up, they’ll enjoy the extra attention and be more likely to fall asleep peacefully (and quickly).

2. Focus all your attention on them
This should go without saying, but you don’t want to over do it. It’s a delicate balance, however we all know our kids well enough that we should be able to pull it off.

For me, if I snuggle in bed and read a bunch of stories with my 6 year old daughter, then lay with her for 15 minutes, we’re good to go. Then, go chat with my 10 year old son and play a game of Qwitch and he’s off to his room to read for 1/2 hour. This is where it can get tricky though, because my son does not like to stop reading. However, if I stay on top of it, and go and chat with him right when his time is up for about 5 minutes, he’ll go off to sleep right away. Then, my evening is free, but there’s one more thing, because you don’t want them awake, and that takes us to step number 3.

3. Assume they are awake, ‘til you know they’re not, then wait 10 more minutes.
My kids both are heavy breathing sleepers, so it’s pretty easy to know when they’re asleep. But, even when I’m sure, I wait 10 more minutes, sometimes I even make a fake trip into their bedrooms to pretend put something away, just to see if they move or react. If there is movement of any kind, I wait 5 to 10 more minutes.

You’ll have to judge based on your own experience, but once you are assured they’re all asleep, let the festivities begin.

Now for me, as a single mom who’s boyfriend does not stay over when the kids are there, this ritual is one that usual happens on holidays that require hiding or distributing things, or if I need to get some uninterrupted work done. I can assure you, however, I have never been caught and as long as I follow these steps, I’m assured an evening of peace for whatever purpose you have.

Now, for those of you who will be partaking in naughty fun once the kiddies are asleep, two things: Make sure you lock the door (just in case); and have fun!

Anyway, those are my thoughts so far, again, I’ll share more when I’m done. In the mean time, if you’ve read the book and want to share some thoughts, post your comments.

“…Women who wouldn’t dream of neglecting these aspects of their physical and emotional health will nonetheless see a fulfilling sex life as dispensable.”

It stood out because I think is true for many women, particularly mothers. We get so busy with day-to-day life, taking care of the kids, going to work, making sure everyone is fed, the laundry is done…we have to de-prioritize something, and many times it’s sex. I wonder why?

Is it because the only other person that knows anything about your sex life is your partner? I mean there are things that need to get done; groceries need to be purchased, kids need to be told to do homework and take baths, work needs to get done, the house needs to be cleaned and on and on and on and on. And you know your lover is understanding (and is gonna bug you for sex anyway), so why prioritize that…he’s not gonna think less of you, right?

Probably not, at least at first. But eventually you’ll both work yourselves into a routine, both too busy and tired to even care about sex. And that is just the problem. Avoiding the emotional and physical interaction of sex and the connection building benefits are just a couple of the negative aspects that sex de-prioritization causes. As a women, being comfortable with your sexuality is self-esteem building. If you continually de-prioritizing it, you lose not only the connection with yourself, but also with your partner.

Although I haven’t yet read her book, The Ripple Effect: How Better Sex Can Lead to a Better Life, (it’ll be in my next order from Amazon ), in it, Dr. Gail Saltz examines ‘The Ripple Effect’ of sexual de-prioritzation and the effect it has on women’s lives. She champions examining sexuality from the inside out, by evaluating how you feel about sex, mentally and emotionally, instead of as just a purely physical act.

I believe that we as women owe ourselves the freedom to have the sex life we need. We owe it to ourselves to address the issues prohibiting us from fulfilling sex and the confidence it can bring.

Once I’ve read the book, I’ll share a more complete perspective. For now, I’m working from the article on MSNBC.com, but on a high level, I think she’s on to something.

1. Massage Night
If you can’t get a babysitter, plan an ‘after the kids are asleep’ date. My favorite for this is a massage night. What you’ll need:
a. Candles
b. Massage Oil
c. Something sexy to wear
d. A bottle of wine
e. Soft music

Even before bedtime, you can prepare. Get the candles, massage oil and wine glasses set, the music queued and your sexy attire in a readily accessible location. Once you’re sure the kiddies are asleep, set the stage—light the candles and slip into your outfit, pour the wine and switch on the music. All that’s next is luring your lover to their massage.

2. Picnic and Concert in the Park
After a long winter, I can’t wait to get back outside, so the next date recommendation is an outdoor concert in the park:
a. Outdoor concerts can be found for free many times. A quick internet search for happenings in your area will provide some options.
b. Pack a romantic picnic dinner for two. If you need some advice on exactly what to pack, this piece from eHow has some good suggestions: How to Plan a Romantic Picnic.
c. After the concert, find a nice place to park and enjoy the night stars, and perhaps each other’s lips

3. Adult Game Night
This one is perfect for those times when the kids happen to be out of the house (at sleep-overs, Grandma & Grandpa’s, or if you’re a single mom like me, when they’re at their Dad’s). I call it ‘Adult Game Night:’
a. Pick your favorite adult game. If you don’t have any, here are a couple suggestions: Truth or Dare: A Game of Passion, The Sex Game: Kit
b. Put together some snacks and beverages for you and yours to partake in while playing.
c. Have fun and make sure to sleep in the next morning

4. Bowling or Billiards
How about bowling or billiards?
a. Bowling alleys are everywhere, from small to large, whatever your preference.
b. Or, if you prefer billiards, look online or in your local yellow pages for pool halls. Either option is very affordable.
c. Make sure to bring your competitive spirit to spice things up. I suggest there be a wager of sorts on the game, for example the loser will do a strip tease for the winner…

5. Lunch and a Museum
If you live near a metropolitan area, a museum visit is also great option.
a. If you’re unfamiliar with all of your options, get online and do a search. You’ll a wide variety of types and that some have free admission and some have nominal fees.
b. Plan a quiet lunch followed by an afternoon alone with your sweetie browsing through a museum, it’s very relaxing.
c. Talk about what you’re seeing–a visit to some of the more erotic displays might bring up some interesting discussion.

Having a date night doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. But, it is important that date night, or some sort of adult alone time does occur. Happy parents project their mood onto their children. And we all want happy kids, right?

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Following are 10 quick (and mostly free) ideas that can help keep the connection strong:

1. Make sure to give good morning and bedtime kisses. It doesn’t matter if your lover is awake, a gentle kiss will subconsciously register your presence and caring. Even if your late or in a hurry, make sure to give a quick peck. It may sound silly, but little touches show love and build trust.

2. Sneak a note in your loved ones car on a weekday evening so they find it in the morning as they head out to work, or to run errands. It doesn’t have to be fancy or overtly sexual, just a quick, “You Rock” will do. I can assure you a smile will follow the discovery.

3. Send a ‘thinking of you’ text message to your significant other during the day. Again, similar to the note, just a quick connection to let your lover know that you think about them even when they’re not there. Even though they may know this, telling them always induces a snuggly, warm-all-over feeling.

4. Whatever your lover is doing, (washing dishes, sitting in a chair watching tv, etc..) give them a quick hug from behind and whisper something sweet in their ear. Do not scare them however, be loud enough so they know you’re there, and then gently hug ‘em from behind (or slap ‘em in the ass if that’s more to their liking ).

5. Buy a ‘thinking of you card’ and mail it them. (this is especially good if your significant other doesn’t live with you, but it works well even if they do). It costs like $3, takes 5 minutes (well, I know some of use spend way to long reading every card, but you get the drift), and will be a nice little day brightener.

6. Reserve a night during the week for an evening of sitting on your butts, snuggling on the couch, watching TV (even if it involves Blue Animals or Princesses so the kids are quiet.) Snuggling is just another form of touch that helps to build closeness and trust.

7. Ask your significant other about their day, and listen to their response. Sometimes in the busy-ness of daily life we forget to keep up with the most important stories of the day, those about the people for whom we love. Once you start listening, you’ll love to catch up each day.

8. Write a ‘steamy’ note on the bathroom mirror, so it show’s up when they get out of the shower. Or use lipstick to ensure it stays long enough. Yeah, it’s an oldy, but definitely a goody…have you done it?

9. Order/buy something sexy (lingerie, massage oil, chocolate, sexy shoes, etc.) and have it shipped to your loved one with a note regarding the use of the item. Desired results are almost 100% assured.

10. Tell your lover he/she looks hot…everyone likes to be hot to someone, and if you are that person’s significant other, you ARE the person they want to be hot for.

NOTE: DO NOT do all of these in one day, or even one week. Spread the love out over time and continue spreading. You will reap the rewards of a fully connected, trusting relationship. When couples trust each other and are connected, amazing things can happen.