It was a lovely spring day. My man and I had decided we would join some friends digging through other people’s old stuff at a neighborhood garage sale. My first purchase was a pair of hot pink shorts for my 6 year old daughter. And honestly, my mission that day was to find a dresser for my son’s room, so I was really only looking for good clothes for the kiddies, or something unique. I think the sex flashcards definitely fit into the ‘unique’ category.

I actually didn’t find them, my boyfriend did; but when he showed them to me, I could not resist…I don’t even remember how much I paid. They are hilarious and my favorite is actually the copyright card. It has a big (c) on the ‘flash’ side, and on the answer side, it reads:

Perfunctory Disclaimer(s):
Sex can result n pregnancy and/or sexually transmitted diseases, some of which are fatal. Use caution when thinking about sex, watching other people have sex, or actually having sex yourself. Despite the fact that your kids probably know more about sex than you do, these cards are intended for adults. If you bought these cards jut to see how offensive they are and intend to stage some sort of extortionary retailer boycott such as those promulgated by bullies of the Christian right, get a life, preferably a sex life; you were very well forewarned by the packaging, and in the United States people are still allowed to believe, sell, and buy things that differ from your own narrow viewpoint not to mention the fact that many of you are hypocrites and 53% of Promise Keepers admit to having viewed pornography in the last week. Finally, these cards are for fun and education only–do not have sex with them.

I did buy a few other things that day too:
-An old wooden drawer (my mom does crafty things with the and it was only $1)
-Some shoes (I like shoes )
-Some cute little plates (my daughter and I love little plates for serving snacky type things when we cook.
-And a dresser for my son (which road the 40ish mile ride home hanging out of the trunk of my 2000 Dodge Intrepid–I should share that story some time…)

Overall, the garage sale-ing day was fun, and the cards provided some fun evening entertainment for my man and I. Plus, now they are a part of my collection, to be passed down from generation to generation

P.S. There was a URL on the box, so I went to it…you too can have your own sex flashcards for only $7.75 by going to www.knockknock.biz. AND, it seems this is just one of a series, including “Corporate Flashcards” and “Slang Flashcards.”

I have a bit of an addiction. I would call it a TV addiction, but it’s not really the TV I’m addicted to…it’s the Food Network.

Now, I just moved. You may wonder what this has to do with my aforementioned ‘problem.’ You see, in this economy I am on a mission to save some money and get out of debt. This mission has forced me to evaluate service providers and my cable provider lost out to dishNetwork. I figured switching at the move was perfect timing and that scheduling the install one week before the actual move would be plenty of time to ensure a seamless transition from Food Network at my old place to Food Network in my new place–I was wrong. My move was completed on May 31, my dishNetwork was installed June 10. That means 10 days WITHOUT Food Network.

I still have ‘basic’ cable so I wasn’t without TV, but basic cable does not have a channel dedicated to food and its cooking. I also had the internet with Hulu, but it just was not the same.

Needless to say, as my Wordless Wednesday photo indicates, MY FOOD NETWORK IS BACK!!!! It’s been on fairly consistently since its arrival. The picture is an Almond Baklava recipe from Sandra Lee, and notice the welcoming ‘Food Network – HD’ bug in the lower right hand corner…it just warms my heart.

OK, I’ve got some catching up to do (seriously, 10 DAYS!!!)…later!

I just moved. When you move, boxes are involved. I still have boxes, empty boxes mind you, but boxes still, sitting through out my new apartment. I’m really looking forward to Friday, which is the day I’ve designated to remove these boxes to the recycling.

For now, the kiddies and are are enjoying our new digs, which include an outdoor swimming pool Since Friday is their last day of school, we will be celebrating with an after school pool party. This weekend we’ll be painting my son’s ‘new’ dresser–it’s from a garage sale, but it was a good rice and it’s decoratable. Plus, we have a few more things to put away, as well as some pictures and stuff to hang on the walls. For the most part, though, we are all settled in and loving it.

2.) You’re having dinner at the inlaws (your boyfriend/girlfriend’s parents if not married) and the food is so awful you would rather eat the table cloth. Your mother in law (bf/gf mother) calls you out and asks if there is anything wrong with the food. You can’t say you’re “just not that hungry” because you had earlier claimed to be “starving” so now, how do you respond to her?
Well, first off, there has only been a couple of times in my life that I have not been able to eat food that was presented to me, even if it wasn’t something I’d choose to eat. I love food, even food I don’t like I can eat. Now, that being said, IF this was one of the first times I’d met them and IF I absolutely could not even fake like it, I’d have to go for the ‘OMG-I-have-to-use-the-bathroom-unexpected-stomach-bug’–cuz you have to feel bad for a newcomer admitting diarrhea to people she hardly knows, right?

However, if this is like in-laws I see on a regular basis, say weekly or even monthly, who I’ve known for years–well then I just straight out ask, ‘Um, did you accidentally add something bad to this? Cuz I really cannot eat it…do you have peanut butter and jelly, I’ll make myself a sandwich.”

3.) In the middle of foreplay, your partner asks if you want to try something new. You ask what it is. They want to stick some kind of frozen fruit or vegetable up your anus. How open to trying this are you?
I’m always up for trying new things…not sure about frozen things in my anus…but maybe if it was 100 degrees out and the air conditioning was broken. If he ever brings it up, I’ll let you know where it goes…but really, if he asks now, I’ll start laughing and thank him for reading my blog.

4.) Would you rather have to walk 30 feet over burning hot coals or walk 70 feet over broken shards of glass? Why?
Hot coals. This is because I saw them do it on Myth Busters and I know the secret, or I knew the secret and would just have to remember it. (Note to self, watch for re-runs of that coal walking Myth Busters…just in case).

5.) Would you rather have to have sex with your partner with a room full of your former high school classmates watching or have sex with your partner in a room full with a mix of each of your former exes watching?
I’m gonna say high school classmates…cuz unlike my ex-husband, they’ll move on with their lives after it’s over…

More Wednesday Weirdness >>

2.) Do you enjoy reading infidelity blogs? Why? If you don’t, is there any reason why you don’t?
Honestly, I have no opinion on infidelity blogs. I suppose if the writing is good, and I find the stories entertaining, I’d read it, but my feelings for or against are non-existent.

3.) If you could make one frivolous purchase right now without expense being an option, what one thing would you go buy?
A house. I don’t know if that really qualifies as frivolous, since most people need a place to live, but I do currently have a place to live, I’d just rather it be a house and not an apartment.

4.) Have you ever gotten drunk and then gotten behind the wheel to drive?
Yes. I was stupid and I should not have done it, yet I did. I will never again however. My driving is bad enough when I’m sober…

5.) As an adult, have you ever been caught having sex by someone you didn’t ever want to catch you in the act?
Not that I’m aware of…

6.) If your current significant other wound up in jail for no less than 5 years but didn’t kill or physically harm anyone, would you wait for them or move on?
I would. My man is awesome…I just hope we’d get plenty of conjugal visits

7.) If you had to participate, would you rather be in a mud wrestling competition or a JellO wrestling competition?
I have to go for the mud. See, the JellO would get all sticky. Although it looks all bouncy and fun, it would just start melting from the body heat. Now mud on the other hand, would keep it’s viscosity long enough to ensure a good fight. Plus I believe it’s pore cleansing.

More Wednesday Weirdness>>

Albert Einstein – Because he was a scientific genius, and I love science and geniuses.

Jimi Hendrix – In hopes he’d play, and maybe provide a guitar lesson.

2.) Are there any conspiracy theories that you believe could be true?
I don’t know if it qualifies as a conspiracy theory, but I am a believer in the existence of aliens. Or at least life beyond this planet. It’s just not mathematically feasible that we are the only ones in the entire universe or multiverse (as it may be).

3.) What’s a weapon that you feel suits your personality?
I like whips

4.) If you had to let someone off of a cooking show prepare a meal for you and your family, who would you pick and why?
Alton Brown, because I have a crush on him and because my kids and I love Good Eats and Iron Chef.

5.) What brand of sliced sandwich bread do you buy most often?
Cub Foods brand whole grain, because whole grain is good for you and Cub Foods brand is a good price

6.) How often do you try new things in bed?
As frequently as time, scheduling, moods and levels of awakeness allow.