First off, this was intended for Tuesday, but it took me longer to compile than I’d planned…picking out sex toys is delicate work Anyway, we’ll call this one ‘Super Sex Toy Thursday’, or maybe ‘The Thursday edition of Super Sex Toy Tuesday’…either way, here it is:

Ok, so over at sextoys.com, there’s this contest going on that I could not resist participating in Ginger Leigh’s Fabulous Shopping Spree! Basically, anyone has the opportunity to win $1000 of free toys from sextoys.com, all you have to do is post your list to your blog (make sure to follow the rules, though, so you don’t miss out). My list includes 27 items and is as follows:

Love Pillow - Because it’s always nice to have a dedicated tool to assist in positioning

Clit exciter (pink) – Who can say no to multi-speed, glittered and waterproof clitoral specialization?

Whisper Micro Heated Pink - I’ve never had a toy with a remote, let alone a heated toy with a remote.

Rubber Cote Remote Egg – OK, so I’m kind of a techno-geek and remote controls excite me, especially when they work from a 35 foot range.

Good Time Vibe Pink – Because I’m a huge fan of waterproof toys and dual stimulation.

Little Su Natural Dildo – Black – Because it looks cool, it provides G-Spot AND clitoral stimulation, PLUS, designed by a woman…can’t go wrong.

We Vibe- I’ve always wanted one of these, I love experimenting and this toy is perfect for just that and more.

Dildo Boro Glass G Spot Pink – I love glass, yet I do not own a glass toy…seems wrong.

Don Wands Clear Nubby Swirl – Again, I love glass, so I may as well just go for straight for two, don’t you think?

Royal Balls (Lemon) – I’ve always been curious about the whole balls you can wear anywhere thing and these look like a perfect first set.

Eden Waterproof Body Blossom – I love interesting shapes, and this toy meets that criteria. Plus, it’s waterproof, which by now you can tell I’m quite fond of (hey, as a single mom, shower time is one of the few places I ever get to be alone…with the door locked)

Soft Leather Ankle Restraints Red/Black – You can really never have too many sets of cuffs, and these are black and red and buckley goodness.

Leather Bondage Belt /Cuffs – Small – I love multi-taskers and this belt not only allows you to be buckled to it, but can be transformed into cuffs!

Passion Belt – Because having my hands attached to my waist is restrictive in all the perfect ways.

Plushy Gear Lover’s Harness – Because I love the handles.

Fetish Fantasy Bed Restraint Bondage Kit – Because being tied to the bed and blindfolded heightens senses you forget you have.

Love Connections – Because nothing says ‘I trust you’ more then having your hands tied behind your back from a collar.

Thigh Cuffs – Because my current thigh cuffs allow for a lot of movement and these ones seem more restrictive–and I like that.

Fetish Fantasy Series Vibrating Nipple Clamp – Vibrating, nipples and clamp…just the words get me all excited.

Devinn Lane’s Waterproof Nipple Arousers – Um, because, as you may have figured out by now, I like to play in the water, and I don’t want my nipples to feel left out.

Sensual Hot Wax – I enjoy the warming, muscle relaxing heat that is induced by a little hot wax.

Black Light Body Paint Encounter – Because art class was always one of my favorites, and when you add the whole glow in the dark element, well you just can’t go wrong.

Love Stuff Body Butter (Very Cherry) – Having lubrication options, particularly flavored lubrication options, allows for some creative expression while making things run smoothly.

Kama Sutra Weekender Kit – It’s always nice to have some portable fun ready to stuff in your overnight bag for that last minute romantic night away.

Pink Dirty Dice – Because games are fun and dirty games are more fun.

Erotique Sexy Fishnet Top with G-String – So, I was in danceline in high school and have had a thing for fishnet ever since.

Gun Oil Lubricant 8 oz. – Because lubrication is always good to have on hand, and this one is good for use with silicone too.

All of this adds up to a grand total of: $996.93

If you want your own chance to win $1000 of free toys, check out the rules here.

One of the women in the group got me thinking, however, when she stated that ‘experimentation’ sounded scary to her, something she wouldn’t want to do. Perhaps it’s just because she really isn’t a part of the market I aim to serve or maybe the word ‘experimentation’ conjures up images of test tubes with Dr’s in white coats and restraints (which honestly, might be an interesting little role play, put I digress). Needless to say, the word ‘experimentation’ or any derivative thereof is not in my final draft–I’ve decided that ‘Explore’ would serve as a sole replacement rather than a partner in the statement. Here it is:

Because Bella Out Loud knows that Moms have sex too, we are dedicated to helping them keep their relationship spicy by providing information, resources and tools that support them as they explore and have fun with sex while strengthening the bond with their partner.

That pretty well sums up my mission for this site. I hope you all can clearly see why BellaOutLoud is here. I’m not here to scare anyone, but I’m am fairly liberal in my tips and advice. I’m here to help you spice it up and strengthen bonds with your lover, knowing full well that you have kids, a home and most likely a job to take care of too.

Anyway, I’ve gone on long enough about my mission to help moms have hot sex lives. BUT, I’m working on my focused goals for the year to support this mission, so keep your eyes open.

If you have any thoughts or questions, please post ‘em in a comment.

And, I encourage everyone to answer a few questions to help me make sure I’m giving you what you want.

Thanks!

Anyway, those are my thoughts so far, again, I’ll share more when I’m done. In the mean time, if you’ve read the book and want to share some thoughts, post your comments.

“…Women who wouldn’t dream of neglecting these aspects of their physical and emotional health will nonetheless see a fulfilling sex life as dispensable.”

It stood out because I think is true for many women, particularly mothers. We get so busy with day-to-day life, taking care of the kids, going to work, making sure everyone is fed, the laundry is done…we have to de-prioritize something, and many times it’s sex. I wonder why?

Is it because the only other person that knows anything about your sex life is your partner? I mean there are things that need to get done; groceries need to be purchased, kids need to be told to do homework and take baths, work needs to get done, the house needs to be cleaned and on and on and on and on. And you know your lover is understanding (and is gonna bug you for sex anyway), so why prioritize that…he’s not gonna think less of you, right?

Probably not, at least at first. But eventually you’ll both work yourselves into a routine, both too busy and tired to even care about sex. And that is just the problem. Avoiding the emotional and physical interaction of sex and the connection building benefits are just a couple of the negative aspects that sex de-prioritization causes. As a women, being comfortable with your sexuality is self-esteem building. If you continually de-prioritizing it, you lose not only the connection with yourself, but also with your partner.

Although I haven’t yet read her book, The Ripple Effect: How Better Sex Can Lead to a Better Life, (it’ll be in my next order from Amazon ), in it, Dr. Gail Saltz examines ‘The Ripple Effect’ of sexual de-prioritzation and the effect it has on women’s lives. She champions examining sexuality from the inside out, by evaluating how you feel about sex, mentally and emotionally, instead of as just a purely physical act.

I believe that we as women owe ourselves the freedom to have the sex life we need. We owe it to ourselves to address the issues prohibiting us from fulfilling sex and the confidence it can bring.

Once I’ve read the book, I’ll share a more complete perspective. For now, I’m working from the article on MSNBC.com, but on a high level, I think she’s on to something.

The game itself consists of a die and two sets of cards, one for truth, one for dare. You take turns rolling the truth or dare die, and whatever you get, your ‘opponent’ reads the appropriate card.

When you play this game, do not expect to get through many cards. Some of the dares take a bit of time and are obviously designed to lead to other things. And, if you live in say, a densely populated area or an apartment building, you might want to edit some of them, to avoid too much attention from the neighbors.

I found the truth cards fun. Depending on how long you’ve been with your lover, many of the truth questions may lead to answers you already know. But for newer relationships, or for those that just don’t haven’t talked in awhile, the questions lead to answers that inspire not only that all over tingly feeling, but also build trust and love.

Overall, if you’ve been together for a log time, this game will spice things up, helping to refresh and build your knowledge about each other. If your relationship is still developing, playing together is a great way to learn about each other and start building that connection.

Overall, I recommend Truth or Dare: A Game of Passion to any couple. It’s fun, it facilitates trust and allows you to learn about each other while still having some naughty fun.

This book is a collection of secret invitations, 26 for him to send to her and 26 for her to send to him. Each invitation is secured in an envelope-like page with a title that hints at the contents. Once the sender chooses which title is ‘the one’, they open the invitation and follow the instructions.

The first thing I want to say is this book is awesome. I love the excited anticipation with each invitation received, and how fun it was sending an invitation and preparing for the date. The ideas included run from interludes that could be arranged after the kids are in bed, to get-an-overnight-babysitter-we’re-out-for-the-weekend. And, for those who have little time to spend thinking up creative sexy dates, but still want to have them, this book is perfect.

If you are in the need of some creativity in the love department, and up for some spicy fun, this book is a great buy.

One of my favorites, if that isn’t obvious, tends toward the BDSM side of things. For some, those four letters trigger a plethora of emotions, from excitement, to fear, to curiosity. If you are one that is curious enough to experiment, there are many ways to introduce the idea to your partner, as suggested in ‘S&M for Beginners’ by Ky Henderson. You should also remember to start out only with what you’re comfortable and make sure that you and your partner clearly communicate what is ok and what is not.

To start off, I recommend trying a blindfold. Depriving the sense of sight heightens other senses for the submissive partner, increasing the feelngs of pleasure. Or, perhaps it’s always been your secret fantasy to have your lover tie you to the bedposts and have his/her way with you. Simple restraints can make that fantasy a reality, leading to an overwhelming experience of release through trust.

For more information on experimenting with BDSM, check out:

• - S&M for Beginners, by Ky Henderson
• - Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple’s Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure
• - Leather Blindfolds
• - Leather Masks
• - Restraints

There are times when you are wearing those jeans that make your ass look perfectly awesome, and your hair is having an extraordinary day, topped with zit-free skin and a bounce in your walk. On days like that, the kids could eat an entire bag of chocolate chips and write their names on every wall in the house. It would just flow right off, because you look good, you feel good and you know you have a hot date that night.

Both of these women are me, just at different times and different places in my day, month, week…you get the picture. And to me, in so many ways sex is the same way. I am me, sometimes frumpy sometimes hot. Sex is sex, but we all know there is sex and there is OMFG SEX. Which one presents itself during any given occasion is dependent on a number of inexplicable and seemingly unrelated factors outside our control. OK, maybe they are not inexplicable all of the time, and certainly some of them may be related, but my point is you never know what will happen.

You can plan a special don’t get out of bed all weekend, bought new toys and lingerie, order-in food and drinks kinda get-away—and one of you gets the flu. Or, you could be cooking fried chicken in sweats and a tee, greasy faced and ponytail in the hair; then he comes in for a little kiss and you end up naked on the kitchen table. You just never can tell.

Does that mean we should stop planning romantic get-always or late night ‘the kids are in bed’ private soirees? No, it just means, if things aren’t mind-blowingly awesome, that’s ok. It’s just not the right time and place for mind-blowing. The important thing is that we keep trying, and stay connected. Cuz, really, even non-mind-blowing…not bad at all.

Make sure to stop back Saturday (or subscribe to my feed) for 10 tips to help keep that connection, ensuring the factors that influence spontaneous mind-blowing stay ever present.

Toys of all kinds are fun, they help us learn about ourselves and provide good old ole’ pleasure.

One of my favorites is the pocket rocket. It’s nothing too fancy, but I assure you, it does its job.

The Sunday Spank is here to help and I think these Leather Arm Guards with Buckles are the perfect accessory to assist in keeping things inline. You could pair them with a Leather Riveted Open Cup Bustier or a more modest Leather Corset with Lace Up Detail & Boning, or something from your own collection.

No matter how you choose to show your affection, just make sure you do it—trust me, it’ll relieve some stress.