My daughter’s birthday festivities began on the 14th with her kindergarten spring concert. Although not officially her birthday, she was definitely the focus. Her brother was on video camera duty, following her around like the paparazzi and her Dad and I were both on hand to make sure she knew how amazing she (and her concert) was. Then, because she was at her Dads on her actual birthday, Friday, I made sure to call her bright and early to tell her ‘happy day’ and to remind her of her after-school salon retreat. She had requested a manicure/pedicure and head massage/hair style for her birthday…I didn’t even know what a salon was ’til my late teens, but I just had to make sure she got what she wanted. After school, we headed over to get her princess spa time started–she loved it. The perma-smile on her face the entire time we were there let me know she was in heaven. Plus, afterward her dad took her out to eat and she got to show off her fancy hair, make-up and nails. But that wasn’t even the end of it, her party was the next day.

She’d hoped for an outdoor water party, but Minnesota in May is not always cooperative–despite the 70+ degree weather the previous week, her birthday began with temps in the 40s. We made due with indoor games, music and a pinata. She had tons of fun, but after spending an afternoon with five 6-year-olds, my ex-husband and former in-laws, I was ready for a drink and some relaxation. Luckily I arrived home to my man, who had spent the afternoon at my place working on his bike in quiet peace. He took me out to dinner and made sure I had a fun, relaxing evening

On Sunday I decided I had better start packing for our move on May 29 and clean-up for the kids return home for the week. I was successful at getting six boxes packed, the laundry done and the apartment picked up so it was in a reasonable state. Once I got the kids home though, it was snuggle-o-rama with them–I miss ‘em after their week at their dads (even when I just saw ‘em the night before).

And then it was Monday. Monday’s and Thursday’s are baseball nights for my son. This means that right after I pick the kids up at 5pm, we eat a ‘picnic supper’ and get ready for the baseball game. It also means we will not arrive home until 8:30 p.m. at the earliest, which makes for a long day and tired kids. It is only through the end of June, though, and my son loves baseball, so it’s all good

Now, after that long winded play-by-play of my week, I have to admit that if it wasn’t for my palm centro pda/phone, I wouldn’t know where I was supposed to be, when. I’m reassured by the vibrating reminders 1 hour to 15 minutes before I’m supposed to be somewhere, and whenever I need a phone number or directions, the handy little web browser is right there! Or, if I’m running late, or just plan lost, I can call who ever I need to, as well as tweet my predicaments or observations whenever I choose. Thankful, I am, for my technology.

AND, thankful I am for all the people in my life that not only keep me busy, but keep me smilin’ ;D

We started out with thoughts of food and cocktails in an outdoor setting on our mind. We had an idea of where we would go, but were flexible, just in case things were crowded. After walking for a while, stopping for martini’s and sandwiches, then walking some more and stopping for a couple more drinks, we decided it was time to head home. Now, everything up to this point was fun and an adventure of sorts, but the walk home is where our true adventure occurred.

The beginning of the walk home was pretty standard for us, chatting, making up stories and laughing. We usually end up creating intricate scenarios about the people we see, and at some point aliens always happen into the conversation (yes, I am obsessed with aliens). Once we arrived at an under-construction, yet possible short-cut home, however, the conversation changed to contemplation of our potential endeavor.

What we had come upon was a bridge. And, as I mentioned previously, it was under-construction. In the dark, we couldn’t see well enough to tell from one end to the other if we’d be able to make it all the way across. We could see a large piece of construction equipment sitting in the middle of it though, so that was proof enough for me that it could indeed hold our weight, so we started making our way-until we came to this concrete wall. My man was hesitant and ready to go back and take the long way, but I spotted a ladder-like apparatus in the far corner of the wall–yes, we did decided to climb up.

The first thing we noticed at the top was the instant brightness of a motion sensing light from one of the houses just off of the construction. It kinda’ made us feel like rebels, which we obviously are It also brought me memories of my youth in rural Minnesota, venturing into old abandoned farm houses & barns, exploring under bridges and just daring to enter those places that didn’t belong to me, places I shouldn’t have been, but that were openly accessible.

Although I am a rule follower, I am also one who, if the rule does not seem logical, will ignore it to fit my needs. Even though I knew many of these places were off limits, I wasn’t hurting anyone, so why not? This evening brought me back to that place, a place where my actions were my own. I know it sounds silly, but as a mom, every time I do anything I have to run it through my mental checklist: will this work for the kids, will it affect their schedules, will I be able to feed them if I do that, will they end up in therapy of I do this, etc. But on that bridge, I felt carefree. It was just me and my love, sneaking through where we shouldn’t be, because we wanted to check it out, and really, we weren’t hurting anyone.

Eventually, after squeezing through some metal rods onto a walk way that was obviously used by the workers, we made it to the other side. We were proud of ourselves for not only our cleverness in trying, but also for not hurting ourselves.

I don’t think we’ll be looking for more adventures like this one, but, if the opportunity presents itself…maybe next time, we’ll take my kids with

P.S. Regarding the picture, we also walked pass the Parking Lot Park, a must see if you’re ever in NE Minneapolis

Of course, if you have kids, you know the answer to this question is yes. But what can you do about it?

We’ve all had days when we are ‘in the mood,’ making special effort to ensure our lover is well aware of the fact through whatever enticing means we know are sure fire. And then, as the kids bedtime approaches, we start to get anxious. We try in rush through bedtime stories and tooth brushing, and tuck the kids in with a hasty kiss and encourage them to go to sleep fast. And then 2 minutes after we leave, we hear a faint voice calling from the bedroom…

‘Mom…?’

‘Yes, sweetie,’ we reply, trying not to sound frustrated.

‘Can I have a drink of water?’

‘Yep, I’ll be right there.’

We bring the water in, and as our little bundle of joy takes a sip, we tell them to ‘get to sleep, no more calling me, okay.’

And then, right as we snuggle next to our man to wait ’til we know they’re asleep for sure…

‘Dad…?’

‘What now, sweetie,’ Dad replies as we grumble with frustration.

‘Can you just turn the hall light on, that’s all.’

‘O’kay, now please, go to sleep.’

Again, we cuddle up next to our love, both of us patiently waiting for that sound of heavy breathing and lack of movement that are positive indicators of sleeping children.

And then….

You know. I know you know. It happens to all of us. Although there are no sure fire answers for this situation, I have three strategies for dealing with the kiddies when they are not what is on your mind. These are not ‘tips from experts’, but simply things that I, as a mom, have discovered through experience, and I want to share for the greater good I hope they work for you.

1. Don’t Rush ‘em to bed
I think we all know this is a bad idea, and sometimes, we do it without even trying. And, even when consciously make an effort not to rush, they sense something’s up. This is why prolonging the bedtime rituals is a good thing…it throws the kids off. Read an extra story, give them five more minutes before lights out, lay with them for 15 minutes instead of the usual 10, any little extra will work. Even though they may still have a sixth sense that something is up, they’ll enjoy the extra attention and be more likely to fall asleep peacefully (and quickly).

2. Focus all your attention on them
This should go without saying, but you don’t want to over do it. It’s a delicate balance, however we all know our kids well enough that we should be able to pull it off.

For me, if I snuggle in bed and read a bunch of stories with my 6 year old daughter, then lay with her for 15 minutes, we’re good to go. Then, go chat with my 10 year old son and play a game of Qwitch and he’s off to his room to read for 1/2 hour. This is where it can get tricky though, because my son does not like to stop reading. However, if I stay on top of it, and go and chat with him right when his time is up for about 5 minutes, he’ll go off to sleep right away. Then, my evening is free, but there’s one more thing, because you don’t want them awake, and that takes us to step number 3.

3. Assume they are awake, ‘til you know they’re not, then wait 10 more minutes.
My kids both are heavy breathing sleepers, so it’s pretty easy to know when they’re asleep. But, even when I’m sure, I wait 10 more minutes, sometimes I even make a fake trip into their bedrooms to pretend put something away, just to see if they move or react. If there is movement of any kind, I wait 5 to 10 more minutes.

You’ll have to judge based on your own experience, but once you are assured they’re all asleep, let the festivities begin.

Now for me, as a single mom who’s boyfriend does not stay over when the kids are there, this ritual is one that usual happens on holidays that require hiding or distributing things, or if I need to get some uninterrupted work done. I can assure you, however, I have never been caught and as long as I follow these steps, I’m assured an evening of peace for whatever purpose you have.

Now, for those of you who will be partaking in naughty fun once the kiddies are asleep, two things: Make sure you lock the door (just in case); and have fun!

My son is ten and my daughter is five. With my son, well he has a good grasp of what death means at ten, but a person is never quite sure how much of things like death a five year old comprehends. I believe in age appropriate honesty, though, which means I don’t lie to my kids. Both she and her brother have had death explained from various perspectives, religious or otherwise, and are acquainted with the varied theories on the after-life or lack thereof. They asked at some point, so I shared (maybe to an extent beyond what they cared to hear, but that’s another story).

Despite previous discussions on the topic however, for some reason, on this drive home my daughter started worrying about her own mortality.

“But Mom, I don’t want to die,” she said sadly.

Her brother and I started naming lists of reasons why she wouldn’t be dying anytime soon and that there was nothing to worry about.

To which she responded, “Stop talking about it and don’t lie! Everybody dies!”

Again, her brother and I began to reassure her and she abruptly interrupted, “STOP TALKING ABOUT IT.”

So we did.

For my daughter, death is a topic we avoid. But really, don’t we all have those ‘things’ we refuse to face? Secrets, fears, denials, we all have at least one. And we all know why. I mean the actual reason is different for each of us, but the reason we hide is the same—because we really don’t know what will happen if we don’t. We don’t know how we’ll react if we face that fear head-on, or tell that secret or admit what we’re denying.

Some day, when my daughter is older, she’ll more than likely get more comfortable with the topic of death. She’ll be able to talk about it and separate it from herself. I only hope that we call get there…

Please help me out and tell me what you want by taking a quick survey. You’ll get 35% off at Madame Bella – lingerie that demands attention as a Thank You!

There are times when you are wearing those jeans that make your ass look perfectly awesome, and your hair is having an extraordinary day, topped with zit-free skin and a bounce in your walk. On days like that, the kids could eat an entire bag of chocolate chips and write their names on every wall in the house. It would just flow right off, because you look good, you feel good and you know you have a hot date that night.

Both of these women are me, just at different times and different places in my day, month, week…you get the picture. And to me, in so many ways sex is the same way. I am me, sometimes frumpy sometimes hot. Sex is sex, but we all know there is sex and there is OMFG SEX. Which one presents itself during any given occasion is dependent on a number of inexplicable and seemingly unrelated factors outside our control. OK, maybe they are not inexplicable all of the time, and certainly some of them may be related, but my point is you never know what will happen.

You can plan a special don’t get out of bed all weekend, bought new toys and lingerie, order-in food and drinks kinda get-away—and one of you gets the flu. Or, you could be cooking fried chicken in sweats and a tee, greasy faced and ponytail in the hair; then he comes in for a little kiss and you end up naked on the kitchen table. You just never can tell.

Does that mean we should stop planning romantic get-always or late night ‘the kids are in bed’ private soirees? No, it just means, if things aren’t mind-blowingly awesome, that’s ok. It’s just not the right time and place for mind-blowing. The important thing is that we keep trying, and stay connected. Cuz, really, even non-mind-blowing…not bad at all.

Make sure to stop back Saturday (or subscribe to my feed) for 10 tips to help keep that connection, ensuring the factors that influence spontaneous mind-blowing stay ever present.

I actually like valentines day, but, it seems that as timing works, it never falls on a week when I don’t have my kids. Now, I do love my kids–they are my kiddie valentines–BUT, It would be nice if me and my man and I could spend valentines together, alone…that would be sooo nice. OK, yes,  I know, babysitter….but see, every babysitter I know and trust has their OWN valentine that they are spending time with on just that day…weird how that works.

I do know one thing for sure. I’m the luckiest ever….cuz puts up with a lot (including not having valentines day ‘off’)…I guess that is part of what relationships are about?

Either way, you can be sure I’ll be doing my best to make up for it later…yes, lingerie will be involved

Tomorrow is my kids school’s ‘family fun night.’ t’s essentially like Chuck E. Cheese meets elementary school. It’s also  PTA sponsored fund raiser/thank you to the kids and families. I used to be the secretary of the PTA, I’m not anymore and this is the first year in 3 that I will not be attending. I told the kids, but they ignored me until today. It’s not like they are not going, but they are going with their dad only, I won’t be there…my daughter was upset.

My daugher is five. Once she get’s to family fun night and the over stimulation inducing event she will not care that I’m not there. I know this, logically….BUT. And her dad make sure to make me feel inadequate. Again, his attitude is expected from a logical perspective, yet I still feel this overwhelming guilt. Why? Logically it isn’t reasonable. Logically it will all be fine….yet…

I wonder when, as a parent, you stop feeling the guilt of not being everything they want….maybe it’s just me…?